Joy and Pain

So my conversation with social welfare yesterday brought good news and bad news.

Bad news first (that way I can end on a happy note):

The three year old we were hoping to adopt and name our sweet sweet Keira Jane is now looking like she was not destined for our family. We fully expected her birth father to sign whatever paperwork was necessary...after all he hasn't been to see her in 3 years. But now suddenly, he has decided that if his choice is to have her adopted or live with him, he'd rather her live with him. I can't even explain all of the bad things I FEEL like saying about this man right now or the assumptions I would love to make about his motives, but the truth is that I just don't know his reasons. Maybe he really honestly didn't realize what he had sitting there until it was almost taken from him and now he really wants to care for her. Since I don't know what's in this man's heart and I've never met him I'm going to lay all of those assumptions at the feet of Christ and trust that He too loves this little girl even more than me and know's what's best. His ways are always better.

There was a boy who was available when we went to the orphanage the first time. I told the social worker we would be interested in him, but she said a family has already spoken for him.

THE GOOD NEWS: The 4 year old girl whom we will name Evolet Hope should come into my care next week. I confirmed this with the social worker who said that she just needs to obtain a police report that was missing from the file, but it looks like a pretty clear cut case of abandonment so we don't expect any issues.

So I took all this news to Darren and we discussed it. We are rejoicing that our Evolet will become part of our family soon. I don't want the news that suddenly we can't bring home 2 to overshadow that. We have decided that we will proceed with Evolet and let everyone involved know that if something changes with "girl #2" or "the boy" while we are still in Zambia, we would be interested. Short of a miracle, though I don't expect that to happen.

Many thoughts have gone through my head since I got this news. Heavy things like, "What will my "almost daughter's" life be like now? We could have offered her great medical care to deal with her delays and a family full of love"...to petty things like "But I bought THREE Christmas presents...now who gets the extra Barbie?" Silly me...I know that God knows what he's doing. Even though our human wisdom and plans said "this" was the best path for our family, I'm certain God knows infinately more than I do and I'm glad.

So...we're glad and we're sad, confused and certain. Story of my life these days...