The Devil Reads my Blog

This is why stress baking makes total sense:

My contribution...

Just when I think I'm starting to get a handle on something and *dare* to say it out loud or blog about it, no sooner do the words leave my mouth (or in this case my fingers) than a whole tsunami of new and deeper challenges present themselves! What's the deal? Why is parenting so stinkin' hard and why am I still in Zambia?

There have been little victories throughout this week but mostly I feel defeated.

I know that the Lord is good and that he holds us in the palm of his hand.
I know that I love my children and wouldn't trade them for the world.
I know that they are little people in need of direction and care and not in fact demons bent on destroying the world through their (what feels like) intergalactic warfare!
I know that people around the globe are lifting us up in prayer and that I am not alone.
I know that I'll be home again and will in fact (Lord willing) not grow old, wither, and die haveing never left Lusaka.
I know that while I feel like it many times I am in fact not the worst mother in the world.
I know the end of the story and I know the Lord prevails!

So why do I keep convincing myself that I can't take anymore? Why do I push away what I know and live in what I feel?

Sometimes I wish I could get an emotion-ectomy. I really do prefer rationality. It's just...safer. But alas, feelings are far from evil. They just have to be constantly submitted to the direction of God's Word. I have to do that and now I have 3 little emotional girls that I have to try to teach that to...and no husband/dad around to balance us all out! I'm constantly having to refocus and remember what I KNOW to be true and that the Word of God is refreshment for a confused, unsure, emotional soul. Does it get easier?

This week has been a roller-coaster in parenting. It has left me feeling even more alone and lost and as soon as I think I have detected the problem and dealt with it something else comes up. Praise God for His grace and that his mercies are new every morning. There's never a day so bad that I can't find joy in that!

A friend posted this on facebook and I wanted to share it because I found it so refreshing in the midst of my weary days:

"...despair not, brothers and sisters. God is still on His throne, our redemption draws near, the Spirit continues to minister life to us through the gospel, and the Lamb who was slain continues to stand in the presence of the Father, His work just as pleasing, just as finished, just as complete, just as powerful, as ever before. That is our solace, that is our rock, that is the anchor that goes within the veil. There is no power in heaven or in earth that can shake it or frustrate the sovereign God who spoke the universe into existence. Do not look to yourself, your circumstances, or the present situation around us---lift up your eyes, look to eternity, see past this evil age, and rejoice in the truth of God's perfect will."

-James White

Wow!!! Is that good or what? Makes me wanna say "Bring it on devil! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I may fail...alot, but you don't win! Read it and weep!" Wait...did I just say that out loud? Yes, I did!

Still no word on when we can go to court, but Evolet's fostering period is up in 4 days! Yay! Maybe by then I'll feel like writing a really sweet post about her! :p