3 months

It's been 3 months since I posted an update on here. Here's what the Lewis family has been up to:

1. Waiting. Waiting for a referral that we have come to realize may never come. Our agency hasn't issued an infant girl referral since April. This has been mildly depressing to say the least. When new children are added to the waiting children's list their files are requested immediately by those of us who stalk the waiting children's list like hungry birds. I haven't been fast enough...

2. Traveling! We have traveled alot this summer! Darren and I went on a caribbean cruise in June and I went on an orphanage mission trip to Ecuador in July! Both trips were amazing!

3. Working. I started a wedding planning business over the summer. Thanks to my good friend, Kristy who asked me to plan her wedding, I have realized that this is something that I not only enjoy doing, but I can do mostly from home and still be with my kids. I'm hoping that Antebellum Aisles is blessed with lots of new business soon!

4. Praying. We've had alot of adoption thoughts to pray about. There are so many directions that we feel pulled in right now. The short answer is we just have not been sure what to do. Some people with our agency feel led by the Lord to wait out this slump with our agency and I commend them for following the Lord's leading in this. We have prayed and been willing and open to the same things, but feel that rather than calling us to wait for (what seriously could be like 2 years for a referral) that He has used these slow times to open our hearts to bigger possibilities. The more we've prayed the more we've felt sure about certain directions, but then...we felt sure about Ethiopia too. It leaves me wondering, "What is God doing right now?" I feel like I have a right to know since it does impact my life, but then I'm reminded that I really don't have a right to anything. I'm called to live by faith and not by sight. And I KNOW that on the other side I will see the great goodness I have trusted in.

5. Talking. I do alot of this. And we've been talking about Zambia...ALOT. My friend Andrea who most of you know from Wiphan ministries or the Created for Care retreat, has given us some awesome info regarding Zambian adoption. We would not be using an agency, which would cut alot of cost and paperwork, and Josie and I would have to stay for up to 3 months and foster Keira in the country. But hey, what's 3 months? That's just the amount of time between blog posts for me, right? I must say I'm very very excited about this possibility. This journey has been such a rollercoaster and I am praying so hard that this is what it was all leading to. As hard as it would be to be away from my friends and my husband and my church for up to 3 months, (And as much as Darren has reminded me that there are ginormous bugs in Africa:) I am SOOOO very excited about the possibility of NEVER having to leave my child once I meet her. We wouldn't have to see her picture and then wait several months to meet her and then wait several more months to go get her. I could see her face for the first time and have her with me until we come home! Also, I'm excited that I could get to know the people of Zambia and share the love of Christ through serving and ministry while I'm there. I know...there would be alot of hardships and unpredictable things to work though, but God doesn't always call us to easy, predictable service, does He? I know that this decision carries weight, and means sacrifice for alot of people, so would you pray with us as we decide what to do?

I'm under alot of mixed emotions right now. Every day carries with it immense joy, doubt, fear, excitement, love, and stress. So much is going on in our lives all at the same time and each thing demands a different feeling. I'm learning to trust the Lord more and to find my satisfaction in Him alone so that these emotions don't FEEL so uncontrollable. I'm ready to have all my children home and to be let off this rollercoaster for a while:)

Roller coaster or tornado?

I've thought many times over this past month "I need to update my blog", but I really haven't been able to sort out my emotions enough to understand what's going on myself...much less to share it with the world.

Our roller-coaster feels more like a tornado right now. We had a teleconference with our agency last week which basically confirmed what we already knew...that the Ethiopian adoption process is slowing down...at the very least for our agency which is very large. We are way back on the list so it will certainly effect us more than those who are about to recieve referrals. We don't know by how much or for how long and of course God could speed things up or it may not turn out to effect us as much as we thought (for various possible reasons). We are certainly not in panic mode so don't worry. I've said before that Darren and I are planner-people. We like schedules and we like being on time...so...this is really not fun for us.

What we do know is that our future looks uncertain right now and it has forced us to evaluate all of our options again and most of all...to pray more than ever!

I wish I could say that I KNEW without a doubt what God's will was for us right now. My heart feels pulled in a million different directions on any given day and at the end I am brought back to the reality that even though my heart wants answers and my flesh feels like I deserve to be in on "God's plan" right now...I really don't. Isaiah 55:9-11 says


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

His purposes are so much higher and so much BETTER than anything we could conceive of. I wish I could remember this all the time. Sometimes none of it makes sense to me. Sometimes I lose sight of the big picture. Sometimes I get so frustrated because of the red tape from other countries regarding age requirements. I really just want to ask someone, "So...what makes me a better parent at 25 or 30 than the parent I am at 24? I mean, I thought there was an orphan crises and that children need loving families so...I'm willing and I'm getting turned away!? I never complained about the paperwork involved or the homestudies. I mean, if someone's really crazy won't you catch it in the homestudy regardless of their age?" UGH! And then I repent of my faithlessness and the cycle begins all over.

However, I have to remember that with every roadblock that comes our way, God is funneling us into a deeper dependence and understanding of His will for us. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is live in that uncertainty and rest in Christ!

People told me that adoption would be an emotional ride like nothing else. Y'all, I am really not a very emotional person so of course I thought, "well, maybe for YOU, but not for me." I was wrong. I had planned to be very detached emotionally until the day I would see her face and then I knew I would be excited and all that, but I never really expected to experience any kind of emotional pain. I was wrong again. There's something very unique in the pain a mother feels when separated from a child she's never met, for who knows how long, not knowing what conditions she could be living in right now, with no idea what she'll look like, what kind of medical problems she'll have, constantly questioning if you are even going to the right country! The only thing I AM sure about is that God called us to adopt. I may not know where, when, or how, but...I have never questioned the actual fact that we should be adopting.

Praise God, our Sunday School class did a study in James not long ago and these words come back to comfort me often.
James 1:2-4

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I really do want to be complete and steadfast and more Christ-like. I have prayed for that and I know that this is part of God teaching us and (answering our prayers?) through these trials.

Please pray for us! And when you pray please pray specifically for these things:

1. Faith. Pray that we would believe that "God is for us" so who can really stand against us? That we would trust and be thankful over His plan and His glory even when our pain is the means to accomplish it.
2. Our attitudes. Pray that we would refrain from having complaining attitudes. I can't tell you how hard this is sometimes. Pray that we would represent the Gospel with our words and deeds instead.
3. Pray for the Ethiopian process. Pray for the officials to find a better way of efficiently processing their paperwork so that more adoptions can go through on a daily basis.
4. Pray for us as we consider other options available to us through adoption. Pray that we would have peace about the decisions we make and to glorify God through those.
5. Pray for orphans in Ecuador too. I'm going to visit some orphanages there in July on a mission trip and God has burdened my heart for them already.
6. Joy! Pray for us to be joyful parents to the child God has already blessed us with. I feel aweful when I realize that I'm stressing over how to adopt a second child and in turn stressing out the one I have! How silly is that?
7. Pray for Darren's grandad Abe Isaac. He was diagnosed with stage IV Liver and Colon cancer last week. He lives in Kansas and we are trying so hard throughout our hectic summer to get up to see him one last time. He is a wonderful and godly patriarch of the Lewis family and he is very loved:)
8. Daily life: Our AC went out yesterday and there are still 3 flies in my house that seem to have superpowes. I need a double dose of patience today.

Also, I just want to say "thank you" to every one who encourages us so much. We have been blessed with a church who is like our family. I have people to laugh with, cry with, pray with, who bear our burdens and pray for us. You don't know how much your love and encouragement means to us. Thank you for reading this volcano of emotion-post. Hopefully, my next one will be happier!:)

One Word

Roller-Coaster!

(That looks like so much fun!!!)

When we entered into the Ethiopian adoption process, we were all giddy and excited to be adding another child to this family. There is also a joy that goes with knowing that you are obeying God's calling for your family and seeing the numbers "7-11 months for referral of an infant girl" seemed so insignificant on that piece of paper we signed. Well, now the waiting has settled in and it...is...hard. Harder than I imagined it would be AND there's nothing I can do to make it happen faster. We are truly helpless before our God as we wait for Him to finish what He has begun. I must say that this is such a beautiful, but intense time of learning to trust for me.

The "ups and downs" of Ethiopian adoption news have shaken our emotions at times. We like hard and solidified facts so all of the "Well, it's just too early to know" or "Nothing's been confirmed" has been a little unnerving. Don't get me wrong, our agency is amazing!!! Almost everyone I have talked to who has walked this adoption road before has said, "It's a rollercoaster and programs change left and right." I KNEW that, but being in the middle of it is something altogether different.

But...I know God's plans are perfect. I know that he blessed us with so many donations toward our adoption that we have been awestruck at His goodness. I KNOW that we will look back and wish we hadn't been faithless during this time so my prayer is that we will NOT waste this time of uncertainty, but that God would strengthen our faith and cause us to rest in Him alone. I know that at the end of the day if all I have is Christ I have still been undeservedly blessed. Please pray with us as we wait!

Springtime

How cute is this?

Well, I haven't posted anymore for a while because (1) I wanted confirmed news about which to post and (2) we've been too busy having fun to stay in the house and blog.

God seems to definately be up to something in Ethiopia. The guy over the Ministry of Women's and Children's Affairs has been removed and there have been substantial other personnel changes. The word is that they are still working hard to process the cases of families waiting to pass court. We still don't know exactly how these changes will effect us. We don't know when we will get a referral. Already it seems like the wait has lasted a lifetime. Our "unofficial" referral numbers have not moved since mailing our dossier and some days that just seems downright depressing, BUT God has a plan and I am thankful for it. I read this from Psalm 61 this just this morning:

"Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.

Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.

Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!"

Isn't it great how God's Word is never silent and speaks to us on the issues that effect us the most? He is teaching us to trust Him more these days and for that I am grateful because I know He will use this time to transform me more into the likeness of the Christ. That makes the waiting actually a little exciting instead of depressingly long!!!!

I am also thankful that I have this little mess to keep me busy while I wait:

Darren and I celebrated 5 wonderful years of marriage last week! We went to Gatlinburg for a relaxing weekend away while "Grandma Lewis" kept Josie. They must have had a great time because for the last couple of days Josie would reach out for Grandma over me. I suppose that's a good thing since Grandma lives in Nebraska and doesn't get to see her very much. It is really a sweet thing to watch them play together:) Anyway, we had a beautiful cabin, did some hiking, watched some Stargate (yes!), and came back very refreshed! Both Darren and I have terrible allergies this time of year, but it's sooooo hard to stay inside when the weather is so beautiful. So...sneezes and all we've been outside alot lately. Josie would stay out there all day if I would let her. She's especially fascinated with bubbles these days :) Well, that's all I've got for now. Please continue to pray for Ethiopia and all the families adopting from there!

Speed Bump

So everything in our adoption was going so suspiciously smoothly until we hit one of these this weekend--a speed bump. Darren and I fall into the "detailed planners of the world" bracket so we don't like unexpected uncertainty all that much.

Over the weekend we started to hear reports of the Ethiopian government cutting adoption processing by 90%. WHAT?!?!?!?! We were warned by our agency that many rumors would come out over the weekend and that they would update us with any confirmed information. It was still a little hard to stay calm when looking at a possible 4 year wait for our child?

Sunday was awesome...like every Sunday. God seemed to be speaking to our hearts directly through The Word that was preached through our pastors. We were reminded to petition the Maker of heaven and Earth and Savior of our souls for these children, to trust, to rest, to be patient and not to be anxious. I'm so thankful for a church that preaches the Word and for friends who encourage us to obey and trust our Lord. That night I felt like my heart was bleeding just thinking about the possibility that Keira could not come home to us for years or that we would have to start all over and apply to another country. I wept and prayed and knew that God did not lead us here for nothing. He has been sovereign over the whole process. He has watched as we have worked and labored to do what undoubtedly was His will for us to pursue. If now, He decides to undo that for His hidden purposes and glory, who am I to question His will? If He leads us to perservere through years of uncertainty so be it. If He calls us to abandon this process to seek another then that's what we'll do. So...right now I may not know what all of our passion and work has been for, but I know that the God of all creation has a plan.

So we and our friends have been praying earnestly...petitioning the Lord on behalf of an unknown child whom we believe to be ours and other countless children awaiting adoption from this country.

Today I recieved news from our agency that while the government of Ethiopia has made substantial cuts, they do not expect them to be permanent. These cuts were done in response to possible "corruption". These discussions could go on for days or weeks. We may not have an answer for a while.

I still firmly believe that my child is in that country and that we are meant to adopt from here. I am not giving up on what I believe to be God's will for us unless the Lord clearly leads us to do otherwise so PLEASE pray with me specifically for these things:

1. That God be glorified above all else and for our feelings and emotions to be subject to his will.
2. For the discussions in Ethiopia to move quickly.
3. For the number of adoptions processed to be a high workable number.
4. For the aweful practice of human trafficking to be lessened or even eradicated by the new decisions made.
5. For God to protect the children of Ethiopia and to raise up more advocates for them.

This Psalm was read in church yesterday. It was just what we needed and we have been meditating on it as we pray.:

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

I really have the best job in the world!

I am so in love with those two people up there! Ok so this post has nothing to do with our adoption right now. Nothing has really changed...just waiting for that referral. Instead I just wanted to share a bit of sappiness from a mom who LOVES her daughter. It's easy to become so frustrated with children sometimes. They can mess up your plans for the day, they can interrupt your "me time", they can be hungry when it's not lunchtime and not sleepy when it's naptime. I really like a schedule so I struggle with these things like any mom, I'm sure. But I try to keep my mind surrounded by scripture and wise sayings from mothers who have gone before me.

As one friend put it, "The days pass slowly, but the years fly by." I'm finding that to be SOOO true. How is it even possible that my little girl is 13 months old? Toddling, talking...wasn't she just born? Then I think to myself in a panic, "How much time have I wasted complaining today? How many times did I think, "I wish she wouldn't follow me to the bathroom this time" or "If she pulls on leg and says the ambiguous whiny word 'eh?' one more time I'm going to scream!" How many minutes did I spend selfishly thinking of what motherhood COSTS me rather than dwelling on the BLESSINGS I get from it. And then I pray and confess to my savior and ask forgiveness from a 13 month old. Sadly, sometimes I don't dwell on the things I absolutely adore about her until she's in bed and I have the house put back together. So lest I forget how ridiculously cute she is at this age, I'm gonna brag on my little beauty a little bit.
Here are just 21 things I love about being Josie's Mom right now:

1. I love that she is ALWAYS smiling and full of energy in the morning.
2. I love the way her little belly pokes out when she wears tight little pjs.
3. I love the way she laughs at herself when she does something funny.
4. I love the way she says "More. more. more. more." like a broken record when she wants food.
5. I love the way she says "Daddy!!!!" When she hears the door open or the phone ring.
6. I love the way she smiles and says "All done" as she does her little baby signs when she's finished eating.
7. I love those extremely rare occasions when she's so tired she falls asleep on my shoulder when we are dancing in the living room and I love how no matter how sore my arm gets it is impossible for me to stop dancing with her!
8. I love how she rocks her favorite baby doll.
9. I love how she climbs on anything she can possibly reach...wonder where she got that?
10. I love how she bounces on her little piano with her booty just because she knows it will make us laugh.
11. I love playing peek-a-boo with her.
12. I love that she's still small enough that I can carry her around...that won't last long.
13. I love taking her outside to swing.
14. I love how she gets SOOOO excited about bathtime that she runs down the hall yelling "bath! bath! bath!"
15. I love that she's fascinated with sitting on the potty...maybe it won't be long until she figures it out?
16. I love that she follows me around.
17. I love her relative innocence. (I mean everyone has a sin nature right?)
18. I love how she tries to meow back at the cat.
19. I love that she LOVES to be outside exploring and is really not afraid of very much.
20. I love hear her say "Amen!" at the end of a prayer or when I read scripture to her.
21. I love that there is really nothing I'd rather be doing because I have the BEST job in the world:)

Maybe sometime I'll do a brag post on my amazing husband too. I certainly would have alot to say about his awesomeness. That could be a long post...

Sovereignty and Starfish

This is a poem that many of you probably recognize if you have been around adoption materials for very long. I really love it. I don't actually know who wrote it and the web site I got it from didn't list an author.


"Once upon a time there was a wise man
who used to go to the ocean
to do his writing.
He had a habit of walking
on the beach
before he began his work.
One day he was walking along
the shore.

As he looked down the beach,
he saw a human
figure moving like a dancer.
He smiled to himself to think
of someone who would
dance to the day.
So he began to walk faster
to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw
that it was a young man
and the young man wasn't dancing,
but instead he was reaching
down to the shore,
picking up something
and very gently throwing it
into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out,
"Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused,
looked up and replied,
"Throwing starfish in the ocean."
"I guess I should have asked,
why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"
"The sun is up and the tide is going out.
And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But, young man, don't you realize that
there are miles and miles of beach
and starfish all along it.
You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another starfish
and threw it into the sea,
past the breaking waves and said-
"It made a difference for that one."

The need to care for orphans and widows in this world can feel so overwhelming. I was reminded of this when I was looking at the Heart Gallery Alabama web site today which has photos and videos of adoptable children posted. When there are an estimated 160,000,000 orphans in the world, not to mention widows raising their children alone, families in need across the world and across our streets, children who need foster homes in our city, how do we decide where we fit in? How do we know we made the right choice or ended up with the right child? How do we keep from feeling that by saying "yes" to one aspect of ministry, we are saying "no" to millions of other children?

Only one word will calm the soul troubled by these questions--God. God is sovereign over the grand plan as well as the minutia of our lives. God knows us and gifts us each especially for the tasks he has chosen for us. God knows and chooses each "starfish" that gets rescued. God knew our names and the names of our children before the world began.

Orphan advocation is not about a "good/better/best" mentality within the church. It's not better to adopt than do mission work. It's not better to adopt than focus on the homeless. It's not better to adopt than to have your own biological children. It's not better to adopt children in Montgomery than Ethiopia. It's not better to adopt a white child over a black child. It's not better to adopt a mentally handicapped child over a healthy one. It's easy for us who truly desire to serve God with reckless abandon and hold nothing back to feel guilty if we don't adopt the adsolutely most impoverished unwanted child on the planet. We want so badly to replicate our own adoption into God's family. And, absolutely we should see ourselves as the most spiritually impoverished and unwanted orphans around. That's a great place to start, by the way. I would suggest that if you have not already done so, that you would pray for God to free you from any preconceived notion that you are "too good" to care for any and all categories of people in need. You must be willing to serve him in whatever he sends your way and in parenting any children he sends your way. However, you must trust that God has a specific plan and design for your family. The beauty in this is that every family is going to be unique. So the best way to view this is for the church to develop an "all of the above" mentality. We should (as a church) be caring for orphans from everywhere, AND doing foster care, AND reaching out to the homeless, AND doing mission work at home and abroad, AND preaching and teaching God's Word, AND edifying the saints. However, one person cannot be everywhere at once and has limited resources. That's why were are many members in one body...the church. Each member is gifted to do certain ministries. So what does God have for your family? We feel stronly that He has led us to put a strong emphasis on orphan care. However, He does not intend for my family to adopt 160,000,000 children. So...how do we decide where we fit? The same way we should be making other decisions.

1. Pray

2. Align your perspectives and desires with the word of God.

3. Obey

4. Listen to the Holy Spirit who is your guide and the common sense that God has given you.

5. Allow your love and appreciation for your Savior to motivate you--not guilt.

It really doesn't have to be all that complicated, although our emotions will do that part for us. If we read the Word of God then we know what His will is. Once we know that, we should be called to act on it at some level. In the case of orphan and widow ministry, it may be one or a combination of these things

• Adoption-domestic or foreign
• Foster Care
• Financial contribution
• Sponsoring a child who is not adoptable
• Volunteering your skills as a painter, tutor, construction worker, babysitter, house cleaner, cook, seamstress, etc. for a local ministry or adoptive family
• Volunteer at a local ministry or soup kitchen
• Praying
  
  Is this inconvenient sometimes? Absolutely. Does it require time, energy, sacrifice? Yes. However, I am convinced that He does not call us to be His children in order that we may shield our lives from a display of His glory no matter how inconvenient it may be. He does not save us to make us lazy. He saves us to empower us to obedience. 2 John 1:16 says "And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments"
  
  Matthew 20:28 also says that he who wants to be great must be the slave of all "even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
  
  It's so nice to just sit around and be served, isn't it? Restaurants do it, TVs do it, fast food windows do it. All kinds of things around us are screaming to us that life is all about us and how much we can enjoy it before we die. While I certainly love and enjoy this life, I realize that I only get to serve Christ in this capacity once. I want to look back on my life and be able to say that I made a difference. Not that I was famous for it or that I was recognized at all for it, but that I furthered His kingdom through obedience. I want to make a difference to some starfish out there. I want to further the Gospel and I want to pattern my love for my family after the same selfless servant love that Christ has shown me.
  
  Who's with me?