In Christ Alone

Here are the words to one of my favorite songs:

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

I first heard this modern hymn at Grace Community Church in California. I loved the powerful, worshipful words right away and it quickly became a favorite because it so clearly defines our faith and reminds us of the beauty of Christ. I've even had the pleasure to hear the writers (the Getty's) sing that song in person twice! A year a half later, Darren and I drove to Grace commenting that it was our last Sunday before we left for our new adventure in Alabama (which we have been on for 5 years now:) That Sunday morning we sang this song and a typically unemotional me broke down in tears. We were meant for community. To build strong relationships and to have an unexplainable love for "the brethren". Now it felt as if there WAS truly nothing certain, but Christ. There was something bittersweet about that day, even as we knew God would provide a new community of much-loved brothers and sisters. That morning I remember feeling so much human uncertainty mixed with Christ's strength.

This past Sunday, Darren, Josie, and I drove to church together and commented about how this would be our last Sunday at Morningview as a family of three, and We weren't too dramatic about it especially as we know we are coming home to this same church even after our long trek to Zambia. And guess what song we sang? Yep...In Christ Alone. As soon as we started singing I felt tears. I felt weak, but I felt His strength all at the same time. I felt anxious about the unknowns ahead and yet certain of our great future hope...Heaven! I felt like screaming "But this is too much! I changed my mind. I like these people and I'd rather spend Christmas with THEM" and at the same time praising God for such clear direction that we KNOW that no matter what comes our way He led us to Zambia. Y'all we're down to 5 days. I'm so stinkin' excited I can't contain it sometimes. Like seriously I can't sleep and I want to talk and think about it all the time. I'm also all the time having to tell myself not to be anxious, but "with prayer and supplication let my requests be made known to God." So...that's where I am right now. Pray for me!

So here's my little Robot as promised:

And the Family:

So I was Padme and Josie was C3PO. Darren decided to pretend he wasn't with us nerdy folk and instead of wearing his "cheesy" Jedi costume he went as a cowboy. He's purdy handsome. He made a hot Jedi, too though;)

Pumpkins and Packin Up

How cute is that little person? I can't believe how fast she's grown! Yes...she'll be 2 in Januray. We went to the pumpkin patch a couple of weeks ago and she was just thrilled about the hayride and the "punkins". In case y'all didn't know, I'm a bit of a pumpkin fanatic myself. I LOVE some Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes in the fall, Pumpkin coffee creamer, pumpkin bread, pie, waffles...you name it! It's one of my all-time faves. So Josie and I have this little thing we do where I'll ask "where's Mommy's pumpkin?" and she'll say "Josie Punkin" and giggle. It's just the cutest thing.

Aw my sweet loves. We just made a quick trip to Nebraska so the grandparents could see Josie one more time before we leave in...(yes I'm counting down) 11 days! Can you tell I really love that orange sweater? I was going to post a really cute video of some of our crazy fun, but it wouldn't load so...maybe next time.

So we have packed 2 bags and will try to finish alot of the packing up this weekend. It feels like we are taking so much stuff! Between everything we are taking for the super-long stay, there are orphanage and ministry donations in there. We are checking 9, plus the double stroller that we will gate check...plus the computers, diaper bag, and any carry ons we'll take. Crazy!

Is it trite at this point to say that I am really really excited!?!?!?!? I'm not super excited about starting my malaria meds tomorrow, though. Its never a good thing when there's a huge disclaimer that basically says, "This medicine can cause you to have severe mental problems that may not go away even after you stop taking this. If you feel crazy or suicidal, stop taking the medicine." Aaaaaaand Josie's taking the same stuff so....pity on Darren if two of his girls go nuts!

Yesterday, we went to an open house for an attorney in Montgomery named Sam McLure. He is with the Adoption Firm. He and his wife Mary Beth have such a wonderful heart for adoption and long to help couples understand and navigate the legal process. Sam has also been writing some very helpful blog posts about legal aspects of adoption. I highly recommend you check out the web site.

That's all for now! Our church is having costume night tomorrow so I hope to have some photos of our little C-3PO to post!

Eleven Days and counting!!!

You Would Laugh...

...if you saw our spare bedroom right now! The bedroom is somewhere under all the stuff we are taking. We've already packed 2 bags and it brings me so much joy to look at them and think that in 3 weeks they will traveling to Zambia with me! So it's an understatement to say that we are excited.

God has provided so much guidance and reassurance in these past few weeks. Everything is coming together according to His Plan. Sometimes I really just feel like I'm along for the ride. We have felt so blessed to have a church family who is praying for us, asking how to help, donating clothes in all different sizes, handmaking bibs to take to the orphanage, and even a stranger from craigslist who GAVE us a double stroller! Seriously...our God is so amazing! And seeing His body work together in harmony as instruments of His will is just a really beautiful glimpse of heaven.

So...that's the excited beautiful giddy part of this post. The other side is that somewhere deep down, I'm just a little scared. Adoption is beautiful, but it's not easy. I know that there could be some really ugly times ahead of us as well. Constant legal uncertainty in Zambia. Not knowing when we're coming home. Not to mention...Who knows what these kids have been through? Who knows the physical and emotional pain they may be feeling? I want to think that having loving parents to call "mom and dad" could be enough, but I know from countless stories that this is not always the case. I'm praying every day that I will have the strength to be up to this task that we've been called to. To have the "die to self" kind of love that needs to be exhibited to ALL my children. It's hard to do that for one--let alone three! PLEASE pray for these things for us as well. To trust in our awesome God and rely on Him day by day to complete the good work that was begun in us. Pray that we will become more Christlike.

31 Days

So we officially have tickets and have 31 days to get ready to go to Zambia! Darren and I are so excited! We have been making lists of things to take, thinking about Christmas presents for our 3 littles, and trying to figure out how to navigate the legal system over there. We are so thankful to the Lord for putting us in touch with James and Megan who have been so kind to share their knowledge with us, and have even agreed to meet with a social worker on our behalf before we get there! I'm so grateful that we have a God who knows and orchestrates all the little details.

We are very busy trying to get everything ready, but oh! what a sweet kind of busy this is! Also, it will be summertime in Zambia, so while we are rejoicing in the finally-fall-weather that has just hit Alabama, I know we can't enjoy it for too long. I constantly have to remind myself that, while yes, fleece Christmas PJs would look so cute on my kids, we have to think warm weather Christmas!

I baked pumpkin bread today! Pumpkin is one of my favorite things in the world. I'm going to enjoy as much pumpkin as possible this month:)

I want to say "thank you" to all those who have been praying for us through the decision making process. Please continue in your prayers. There are so many unknowns that lay ahead of us. Please pray for God to grant our hearts a peace as we trust Him and His timing.

Yay Zambia!!!

So this is where we are going...

It's pretty much official. As official as it gets except that we haven't bought airline tickets yet. In early November we hope to be on a plane Zambia-bound. There have been so many ups and downs with making this decision. We've talked to so many people about the pros and cons and tried to gauge from others who have gone recently what the adoption process is really like. It's not like there's a web site anywhere that gives you all the info and since there are no agencies that work in Zambia, it's all independent.

So Lord willing, we will come home in January or February with not one, but two new daughters! That's a new development too:)

I'm very excited that in just over a month I could meet my little ones that it feels I've waited so long for. And I'll get to live in Zambia with them for about three months. I'm trying to prepare my heart for anything right now. Three months really doesn't sound that long in the bigger picture. I don't know if I will be so busy caring for 3 children and getting to know 2 of them that I won't notice if the time is going by slowly or not. I also know that I will miss my sweet husband very much. He's been given a "honey-do-list" for while we are gone though, so that he won't get bored.

I guess the worst part is that we will miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Josie's 2nd birthday, very possibly my 25th birthday. Those things don't bother me now, because I know that this is all worth it and I would rather be with ALL my children then be missing them on all of those holidays, but I just wonder if I won't cry a little on Christmas. Thank God for Skype.

It's been amazing to see how God has opened so many doors for us to go to Zambia. I have felt so weary from the adoption process and having my heart pulled so many directions. I told God that I didn't have the energy to force this to happen, but that if He made it clear to us that this is what we are supposed to do then I would gladly put the energy into making that happen. He has definately given us a peace about this and provided an amazing church for us to attend while there. He has provided a way for us to rent a missionary's house while they are back in the states on furlough. He has provided so many connections that have just "seemed" to come out of nowhere. In alot of ways we don't know exactly what to expect, but we are so. very. excited!!!!

Please pray for us as we have soooooo very much to do in the month of October. I must admit, though, it's nice to have something to do for this adoption again:) I'll be blogging alot more while in Zambia!

3 months

It's been 3 months since I posted an update on here. Here's what the Lewis family has been up to:

1. Waiting. Waiting for a referral that we have come to realize may never come. Our agency hasn't issued an infant girl referral since April. This has been mildly depressing to say the least. When new children are added to the waiting children's list their files are requested immediately by those of us who stalk the waiting children's list like hungry birds. I haven't been fast enough...

2. Traveling! We have traveled alot this summer! Darren and I went on a caribbean cruise in June and I went on an orphanage mission trip to Ecuador in July! Both trips were amazing!

3. Working. I started a wedding planning business over the summer. Thanks to my good friend, Kristy who asked me to plan her wedding, I have realized that this is something that I not only enjoy doing, but I can do mostly from home and still be with my kids. I'm hoping that Antebellum Aisles is blessed with lots of new business soon!

4. Praying. We've had alot of adoption thoughts to pray about. There are so many directions that we feel pulled in right now. The short answer is we just have not been sure what to do. Some people with our agency feel led by the Lord to wait out this slump with our agency and I commend them for following the Lord's leading in this. We have prayed and been willing and open to the same things, but feel that rather than calling us to wait for (what seriously could be like 2 years for a referral) that He has used these slow times to open our hearts to bigger possibilities. The more we've prayed the more we've felt sure about certain directions, but then...we felt sure about Ethiopia too. It leaves me wondering, "What is God doing right now?" I feel like I have a right to know since it does impact my life, but then I'm reminded that I really don't have a right to anything. I'm called to live by faith and not by sight. And I KNOW that on the other side I will see the great goodness I have trusted in.

5. Talking. I do alot of this. And we've been talking about Zambia...ALOT. My friend Andrea who most of you know from Wiphan ministries or the Created for Care retreat, has given us some awesome info regarding Zambian adoption. We would not be using an agency, which would cut alot of cost and paperwork, and Josie and I would have to stay for up to 3 months and foster Keira in the country. But hey, what's 3 months? That's just the amount of time between blog posts for me, right? I must say I'm very very excited about this possibility. This journey has been such a rollercoaster and I am praying so hard that this is what it was all leading to. As hard as it would be to be away from my friends and my husband and my church for up to 3 months, (And as much as Darren has reminded me that there are ginormous bugs in Africa:) I am SOOOO very excited about the possibility of NEVER having to leave my child once I meet her. We wouldn't have to see her picture and then wait several months to meet her and then wait several more months to go get her. I could see her face for the first time and have her with me until we come home! Also, I'm excited that I could get to know the people of Zambia and share the love of Christ through serving and ministry while I'm there. I know...there would be alot of hardships and unpredictable things to work though, but God doesn't always call us to easy, predictable service, does He? I know that this decision carries weight, and means sacrifice for alot of people, so would you pray with us as we decide what to do?

I'm under alot of mixed emotions right now. Every day carries with it immense joy, doubt, fear, excitement, love, and stress. So much is going on in our lives all at the same time and each thing demands a different feeling. I'm learning to trust the Lord more and to find my satisfaction in Him alone so that these emotions don't FEEL so uncontrollable. I'm ready to have all my children home and to be let off this rollercoaster for a while:)

Roller coaster or tornado?

I've thought many times over this past month "I need to update my blog", but I really haven't been able to sort out my emotions enough to understand what's going on myself...much less to share it with the world.

Our roller-coaster feels more like a tornado right now. We had a teleconference with our agency last week which basically confirmed what we already knew...that the Ethiopian adoption process is slowing down...at the very least for our agency which is very large. We are way back on the list so it will certainly effect us more than those who are about to recieve referrals. We don't know by how much or for how long and of course God could speed things up or it may not turn out to effect us as much as we thought (for various possible reasons). We are certainly not in panic mode so don't worry. I've said before that Darren and I are planner-people. We like schedules and we like being on time...so...this is really not fun for us.

What we do know is that our future looks uncertain right now and it has forced us to evaluate all of our options again and most of all...to pray more than ever!

I wish I could say that I KNEW without a doubt what God's will was for us right now. My heart feels pulled in a million different directions on any given day and at the end I am brought back to the reality that even though my heart wants answers and my flesh feels like I deserve to be in on "God's plan" right now...I really don't. Isaiah 55:9-11 says


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

His purposes are so much higher and so much BETTER than anything we could conceive of. I wish I could remember this all the time. Sometimes none of it makes sense to me. Sometimes I lose sight of the big picture. Sometimes I get so frustrated because of the red tape from other countries regarding age requirements. I really just want to ask someone, "So...what makes me a better parent at 25 or 30 than the parent I am at 24? I mean, I thought there was an orphan crises and that children need loving families so...I'm willing and I'm getting turned away!? I never complained about the paperwork involved or the homestudies. I mean, if someone's really crazy won't you catch it in the homestudy regardless of their age?" UGH! And then I repent of my faithlessness and the cycle begins all over.

However, I have to remember that with every roadblock that comes our way, God is funneling us into a deeper dependence and understanding of His will for us. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is live in that uncertainty and rest in Christ!

People told me that adoption would be an emotional ride like nothing else. Y'all, I am really not a very emotional person so of course I thought, "well, maybe for YOU, but not for me." I was wrong. I had planned to be very detached emotionally until the day I would see her face and then I knew I would be excited and all that, but I never really expected to experience any kind of emotional pain. I was wrong again. There's something very unique in the pain a mother feels when separated from a child she's never met, for who knows how long, not knowing what conditions she could be living in right now, with no idea what she'll look like, what kind of medical problems she'll have, constantly questioning if you are even going to the right country! The only thing I AM sure about is that God called us to adopt. I may not know where, when, or how, but...I have never questioned the actual fact that we should be adopting.

Praise God, our Sunday School class did a study in James not long ago and these words come back to comfort me often.
James 1:2-4

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I really do want to be complete and steadfast and more Christ-like. I have prayed for that and I know that this is part of God teaching us and (answering our prayers?) through these trials.

Please pray for us! And when you pray please pray specifically for these things:

1. Faith. Pray that we would believe that "God is for us" so who can really stand against us? That we would trust and be thankful over His plan and His glory even when our pain is the means to accomplish it.
2. Our attitudes. Pray that we would refrain from having complaining attitudes. I can't tell you how hard this is sometimes. Pray that we would represent the Gospel with our words and deeds instead.
3. Pray for the Ethiopian process. Pray for the officials to find a better way of efficiently processing their paperwork so that more adoptions can go through on a daily basis.
4. Pray for us as we consider other options available to us through adoption. Pray that we would have peace about the decisions we make and to glorify God through those.
5. Pray for orphans in Ecuador too. I'm going to visit some orphanages there in July on a mission trip and God has burdened my heart for them already.
6. Joy! Pray for us to be joyful parents to the child God has already blessed us with. I feel aweful when I realize that I'm stressing over how to adopt a second child and in turn stressing out the one I have! How silly is that?
7. Pray for Darren's grandad Abe Isaac. He was diagnosed with stage IV Liver and Colon cancer last week. He lives in Kansas and we are trying so hard throughout our hectic summer to get up to see him one last time. He is a wonderful and godly patriarch of the Lewis family and he is very loved:)
8. Daily life: Our AC went out yesterday and there are still 3 flies in my house that seem to have superpowes. I need a double dose of patience today.

Also, I just want to say "thank you" to every one who encourages us so much. We have been blessed with a church who is like our family. I have people to laugh with, cry with, pray with, who bear our burdens and pray for us. You don't know how much your love and encouragement means to us. Thank you for reading this volcano of emotion-post. Hopefully, my next one will be happier!:)