So my days in Zambia generally fall into one of two categories
Category 1: A day with excellent news and also bad or confusing news
Category 2: A day where nothing happens
Most days fall into category 2, but today was a Category 1 Day. I had a confrontation with my social worker which was traumatic for me. I hate fighting and handle it by either apologizing for things I didn't do wrong, lashing out like a cornered animal, or as was the case today weeping in her office and crushing under the overhwlming weight of everything that's going on--doesn't help that Keira keeps having nightmares and I haven't had a good night's sleep for quite a while.
So I accused Elizabeth of lying. Which I was somewhat justified to do I think, but the situation in question ended up being a misunderstanding. I still think that if you've told someone you're doing ALL you can to help them and six months later you still haven't managed to get one piece of paper---that falls under the heading of lies too, but still. I accused without having ALL my facts straight. I quickly apologized, but apparently that wasn't good enough and now I'm being "called into the principal's office" where I don't even go to school. She called her boss on me! I can't believe how things manage to keep getting more and more ridiculous. This has become a very personal thing for her when all I've ever wanted was for her to do her job!
Ok so the good news though is that in the midst of this very stressful conversation with Elizabeth she tells me that her boss gave the ok for Keira to be adopted. We still have to collect the paperwork and file for court, but this was a HUGE answer to prayer that was slightly overshadowed by the drama of the day.
I'm thankful that my friend Megan was there for support and to remind me that in the end it is God's will and not mine that will be done. He can work through all of this and it seems that he is even though it is still a mess.
I don't know what to expect from tomorrrow. I really wish my lawyer could be there to help advocate for me, but I haven't been able to get a hold of him since Sunday. Maybe he hates me too. I know that I will need to apologize for the horrible Zambian crime of offending Elizabeth and for opening my mouth without having all my facts collected...even though I was probably right. I also know that I will now have an audience with her boss and can delicately, but firmly plead my case for these girls and our need to be done quickly. My prayer is that Elizabeth will have already picked up the report before our meeting and then I won't need to plead for anything. I can just apologize and grab my documents and go.
Please pray that I wouldn't do anything stupid. I've been told that above all else I am to show no emotion at this meeting tomorrow. That's not easy. I am very rarely anxious, so when I am I look and act defensive or breakdown in tears and that is not what these people need to see. I have to be calm and collected and the more I think about how to force that the more I want to cry. I know that God can harden and soften hearts at his will and pleasure. I know that even though Moses wasn't good with words he boldly went before Pharaoh and God blessed him. I know that even though alot of people here don't like me that God can enable me to manauver these tricky customs of communication even when I don't understand them. I know that I can trust him to guide me through whatever comes my way. I know that even though God is throwing the one thing I hate more than anything--confrontation--my way that He can use me and get me through it.
Still--I'm anxious. I've been made to feel like I've done something horribly wrong by demanding that my social worker do her job. I have been polite and nice and kind and understanding of Zambian slowness for 6 1/2 months and I just feel like enough is enough. I do hope all of this is overwith soon. I saw a glimpse of that finish line today and it felt oh so nice.
P.S. I miss my husband more than anything in the world right now. I will die if I don't get back to him soon.