I'll Be There First

So it dawned on me today that I get to go into 2012 before all my friends back in the states...by like 7-8 hours! That's kinda cool.

Josie has begun practically talking in sentences lately. Funny story from yesterday...we have alot of snails in the yard in the morning when the grass is wet. Josie found one by the trampoline so she went and got a long stick and lay on her tummy on the trampoline and started trying to push the snail away with the stick. She was looking very focused on the task at hand when Evolet saw and said "Look Mommy! A snail!". She started to walk over and Josie said, "No Ev-et. No touch nail. Josie nail." Hey kids guess what...there are enough snails in the yard that we don't have to claim them.

I have a girls movie night planned for Saturday. I'l pretty excited about that. Yesterday my friends had their Bible study over here so that I could participate while my kids aer in bed. Praise the Lord! It was so awesome. They are going through the book Humility by CJ Mahaney. This particular chapter was on humility through trials. Many of the verses came from Habakkuk (which one of our pastors did an amazing series on last year). After the prophet laments that he is crying out and feels that God is not listening to him, God gives him the answers and tells him what the future for the nation of Israel will look like. It's not pretty. The Lord describes the impending judgment and says "But the Lord is in His holy temple; let the earth keep silence before Him."-Habakkuk 2:20.

How great is it to know that God has the fate of the nations in his hands? That he has the destiny of our lives in his palm? What comfort and awe-struck wonder this ignites in my heart!

I've been very self-focused in my trials of late. Of course there are moments when I think "my kids are going through trials too. I need to be a comfort for them." But many times I just think about what comforts I miss back home, how things aren't matching MY timeline, and how even though I CHOSE to be here to bring a child(ren) into our family though adoption NOW I feel like complaining about the process and how hard it is. This valley has definately brought me closer to the Lord sometimes in crying out for peace.

Habakkuk ends with his attitude quite transformed and says this in Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,

Yet, I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

God the Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the deer's

he makes me tread on high places."

Choosing to rejoice today:)

The Christmas Post

Well, if I could blame this past weekend on a man in a red suit with a long white beard, I would say that I must have made Santa's naughty list bigtime. Fortunately, I know that all events are orchestrated for a higher purpose...to sanctify me and glorify God in heaven. So here's a recap:

Christmas Eve was a blessing. We spent it with some friends from Bible Study. The kids were amazingly well-behaved which was an answer to some desperate prayers from this worn out mom. We had a great lunch, watched a movie, played with friends, and did a gift exchange.

Christmas Eve night, my internet went out while skyping with Darren and the Edwards family back home. Bummer. Christmas Eve our neighbors behind us had some kind of shin-dig complete with fireworks and very loud music. Great. Went on until midnight. Christmas morning my internet was still not back. The kids opened their presents and we started to clean the house for lunch. I was supposed to be having very important last minute guests who flaked an hour after they were supposed to be here. I had spent Christmas Eve working it out with a friend to have enough food as having guests was a pretty last minute decision. She gave me a chicken from her freezer so that I would have enough meat...only to realize the next day that I had prepared WAY too much food for myself and 2 toddlers. However, I decided that we would have a joyful day celebrating in the Savior's birth anyway. It was very hot and didn't feel like Christmas. I read a book while the kids played outside for a good part of the day.

So when Darren was awake and opening his Christmas gifts (5 p.m. my time) I missed his first call and when we could finally talk my phone kept cutting out. The kids suddenly started misbehaving and after wanting to cry all day I finally did. I just kept wondering "why?" I know my life could be SO. MUCH. HARDER. But I couldn't understand why after everything else that seems to be going wrong God would take away my "lifelines" back home. The things that help me retain my sanity over here...on CHRISTMAS!!! Then as if smacking me in the face it was like He was saying, "So that I can be your lifeline!" Commence breakdown and intense time of prayer.

So Monday we went out to the orphanage. Monday was FILLED to the brim with it's challenges as well. Finally, Monday night I was able to get some good sleep. By Tuesday morning my skype was back but my web pages weren't loading. Finally last night, my internet was back completely and I felt so blessed to see all the sweet e-mails and messages waiting for me. It felt like being underwater and then coming up for that awesome breath of air. Most of all, it was nice to talk to my husband via skype again. Have I told you that I miss him?

We had friends over for pizza and swimming yesterday. Again, it was super refreshing just to have some company and kids for my kids to play with.

I have really mixed emotions about this Christmas. I relished in the simplicity of it. The rampant idea of American consumerism that permeates our lives back home can really cloud the true joys of Christmas. I was able to see and experience those deeper joys even though I had a hard time. It is sooooo hard to find that balance, though. Where is the line between enjoying the gifts God has blessed us with and giving our "children good gifts" in reflection of our father in heaven VS. teaching our children that Christmas is about what we get and buying people things they don't need just to keep up?

I used to think that the only people who would question a good, typical, American Christmas were the same people that only wear ankle length dresses and no make up and believe that TV's were invented in hell. I always figured those people drew some kind of strange happiness from giving up being normal and appearing better than the rest of us.

I have to say, though, that my heart has undergone some radical changes in how I view Christmas. I'm not saying I've got it figured out and I certainly would not try to tell anyone else how to run their Christmas festivities, but ya'll there are people around the world in actual REAL need. Don't you think it's a little wrong that people have been TRAMPLED to death fighting to shop for Christmas gifts they and the ricipients don't need? I'm not saying I'm giving up Christmas traditions or gifts or any of the things that I actually MISSED not having this Christmas. I'm just saying...look around. Don't you think we just get a bit silly sometimes? We tend to drive ourselves crazy spending money on gifts we had to rack our brains over because we can't really think of anything that person "needs" right now, rushing from this party to that party, buying clothes to wear to the parties, taking our kids here there and everywhere so they don't "miss" out on anything only to breathe a sigh of relief and say "Whoa...I'm glad December's over. Now I need to go on a diet because I ate too much." And I've talked to so many people with "Christmas guilt". They want to do things differently, but it's hard to break the patterns you were raised in (plus what would our families think if we put a limit on incoming gifts to our kids. Would they think we are ungrateful?) and so they just keep doing what they've always done and the season keeps them so busy it's hard to focus on what's important. I also think it's possible to be "too hard" on yourself or other people. As Americans, there are so many ways we are all greedy consumers from time to time. I believe in enjoying our blessings from heaven and I also believe that we should be teaching our children life values (the Christmas stories, sharing with others, not loving money) all 12 months of the year so if we're weak in this month of the year, we should look to Christ for strength and guidance and not become consumed with guilt. I think our decisions about how we spend, give, or save should be made with passion AND humility. I just think we all need to evaluate WHY we do what we do in light of the Bible and pray for peace in our decisions.

I haven't all the way decided in what ways I'd like our Christmas holiday season to look different next year, but I will definately be praying and discussing with Darren about ways to glorify God more in the way we celebrate. I want my children to see the "giving" part of Christmas first in terms of God's gift to us in his Son, secondly in our gifts to the world (sharing the Gospel, tangible acts of kindness and monetary giving), thirdly, giving gifts to our loved ones, and LASTLY our giving of gifts to them. I don't want them to have "my toys" centered Christmases. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to simplify and most of all how to serve God and others during this time?

Blue Christmas

Remember me saying that I've never seen a bluer sky than here in Africa? I'm sure there's some really good scientific reason for it that I'll google someday. While many of you will enjoy snow and a fireplace back home, I'll literally have a blue Christmas here. It has been ridiculously hot the last 2 days. We have spent the afternoon in the pool every day this week. I have about 3 layers of sunburn going on right now as well as an amount of freckles I haven't seen on my face since I was about 5! These two sweet things seem to enjoy being sisters more and more every day. It precious to see this bonding occur. Having two sisters of my own, I think it's pretty awesome that they have each other:) We got our first Christmas package from back home today. It's about a mile walk up to the shopping center where the post is so we did some grocery shopping and knocked out some errands while we were up there...the stroller was a little full! My girls LOVE to ride in the stroller.

This box was from some friends back home. We were blessed to recieve some shorts and shoes for Evolet, some fruit snacks, ramen noodles, a carrot cake mix with cream cheese frosting (New Year's Cake!?!?!? I'm sensing a new tradition beginning here) some drink mixes, a Jesus Storybook Bible for the orphanage, an awesome kids Sovereign Grace CD (I think I could listen to it even without the kids around:) some band-aids, benadryl, and easy mac!!! You all just don't know what a blessing it is to have a little piece of home mailed to you. I know postage is ridiculous and I'm so thankful for my sweet friends and family who are mailing us stuff anyway!:)

Had some dear moms over for a pizza/swim party on Tuesday. It was a blessing to have some adult conversation while our kids played together. I felt recharged!

I'm so thankful for the internet! We've been able to even video skype a few times with friends and family. Evolet loves to skype with Darren. Sometimes we can only do audio, but it's so awesome to be able to talk for "free". I really miss him. Christmas feels different over here for sure, but it's also a neat experience to know that all around the world, Christians are celebrating the birth of our savior! I'm not going to pretend that it's not hard having my family split at this time of year. I wish we could all be together, but there is joy in knowing that this is God's plan for our family this year.

I think once January gets here it will start to feel like things are coming to close. This middle part has been rough, but I can see the finish line nearing with each day. Keep praying for us!

Little Ducklings

Someone once said that parenting was like being pecked to death by a duck. Some days it sure feels that way...especially when parenting alone in a foreign country! I'm mostly joking when I say that, although we've been confined to the house more than usual the last 2 days (rain, taxi fares, etc...)and I think the girls are just getting bored. I miss my husband and family and church more and more as Christmas is nearing and there's a part of me that just doesn't want to be here anymore. Evolet decided to paint her nails in "my" bed yesterday...some nice sparkly pink artwork on the sheets is apparently irrestible. So then she and Josie got into the shaving cream together and poured most of Josie's shampoo down the tub. Josie randomly breaks out into a fussy/jealous rage for which we have to talk about being kind to one another, what the Bible says about grumbling and complaining, what the Bible says about discipline, etc...Josie has an affinity for Spilling water on the floor multiple times a day which can be quite surprising to step in when you aren't expecting it. She also eats lotion and sunscreen if she can get her hands on it. I find play dough randomly throughout the house. The kids never stop talking. Sometimes it would be nice to just have a break.

Sometimes there are basic communication issues with Evolet. She speaks English, but it's definately a different form of English than I'm used to. She phrases most of questions backwards and always ends with "ka?" which means like, "yes?" so she expects an affirmative for everything she says. Even if you say "yes, Evolet that's right" she'll ask like 3 more times. Plus, culturally it is kind of impolite to say "no" so she answers "yes" to every question. I'll say, "Do you know where you put your shoes?" She'll answer "yes" and just stand there. When I say "OK, then can you go get them?" She just stands there and I realize that she in fact has no idea where they are. This scenario plays out several times a day and can be quite frustrating to an American Momma expecially when Josie's trying to be heard at the same time.

I'm telling these events of the day not to make my children look bad (because they are very precious gifts from above) or to talk about how tough I have it over here. We have alot of fun together and the girls get along pretty well most of the time. I'm praising God daily that Evolet is adjusting so well...and she's very very obedient as long as she understand what's expected of her. I'm only saying this to convey that adoption has it's struggles even for those of us who would say we are having an "easier" time of it than expected by adoption standards. Parenting is tough stuff some days whether your children are adopted or not!

That gets me to thinking about what it cost my heavenly father to adopt me. Some days I'm the whining, complaining, fussy, not-understanding-his-ways child. Yet, he lowered Himself in humility to become a child born in a stable. He came and lived among us. He experienced our pain and difficulties and bore the grief of sin. He's always patient. He's always loving. He's compassionate. He corrects me for my good and His glory, never angry because I've been made righteous by His blood. So this Christmas I'm thankful for the gift of adoption...received and given. I'm thankful to be the one that GETS to exemplify Christ to my children through showing grace and patience when being "pecked to death." And I'm thankful for His grace and patience to me when I don't. My kids are also very forgiving of my shortcomings:)

Wanted to mention a prayer request. A friend here contacted me yesterday about a baby who was found abandoned near a hospital. A shop owner found this newborn baby girl and took her to the hospital. They were looking for a family to take her. For many many reasons we decided we are not that family, but are praying that she will find a loving home soon. There are so many stories of children abandoned here. It breaks my heart.

Also praying for our "Keira Jane". Things continue to look positive and we are hoping to know something more by this evening. We would love this "additional addition" to our family, but we know that God is all wise and will give our family what we need. We are open and willing to take her and be her forever family, but we are satisified with the joy Evolet has brought us too.

Thank you all for your prayers and daily encouragement to me. Can't wait to be back home!

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas...

...for Africa! We had a free day and it was overcast so I decided to put the girls in their Christmas dresses and get some photos. You never know what the weather will be like here so I figured I better snap some in case it's raining on Christmas Day or something. They turned out SOOO cute! Even though, Josie has an aversion to looking at the camera:) Here are my little beauties:

Thunder and Lightning

We were told when we got here that if the day gets unbearably hot it means a thunderstorm is coming. I think that has been true every time. Whenever I say, "Wow! It's hot!" God sends us the coolness of rain. And when it rains here it's the most fresh and amazing feeling in the air. And when the sun is out the sky is the bluest shade of blue I have ever seen. There are some things about Africa I am beginning to love...not to mention my new daughter that Africa gave me:)

Today was a great day! We did a little shopping, jumped on the trampoline ALOT, swam in the pool, read a bazillion books, spent massive amounts of time on Evolet's hair (even though she doesn't have much...moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!) I have to say, even after 3 days it's looking WAY better.

So both of the girls are pretty independent...they both love hugs, but neither of them seem to be "cuddlers". Well...a thunderstorm changes that. At the first sign of lightning they fought for a space on my lap. They literally plastered themselves onto me like cling wrap. The electricity went out for a while so we sang Christmas songs to the light of a flashlight for like 30 minutes. Oh the spiritual parallels that parenting brings to mind! As we sat there I was soooo thankful for this scary situation that caused my children to run to me and find comfort and shelter. I thought, "Why can't they always be this sweet and cuddly!?" (Haven't had too much trouble out of Evolet yet, but she's human so...I'm sure it's coming) DUH...because when things are great they trust in themselves...human nature right!? Oh how I do the same things. I can't help but believe that some of the trials I have faced in Africa have been God's way of sending a little thunder and lightning my way. My insufficiencies here have illuminated sin in my heart I didn't even know was there!!! It has taught me to rely more on Christ's saving grace ALONE for every detail of life...not myself, my husband, my possessions. I've seen people here with NOTHING...they are living impoverished lives, but praising the God of heaven for all that he's done. People here also seem to think more "heavenward". Probably because life is hard and they see death more than we do.

I'm certainly going to enjoy what I'm missing back home (My house, my car, my dishwasher, eating at Chik-fil-A again, having a built in filter and ice maker, people that get to the point and know what the word "time" means), but I've seen what it's like to not have those things and I know that's not what my happiness is built on. What I miss the MOST are my husband and my church family...the relationships that edify me and build me up. The relationships I rely on for encouragement and parenting advice (ya'll have been great to keep in touch even from a distance, though. Thank You!!!!) But I know that even those things can become replacements for what's most important so in the times when I feel the storms rage in my heart, I run to Christ knowing that HE is my "strength and shield"...at least, that's what I tell myself to do. I'll just be honest, though, sometimes I decide to try to accomplish things on my own power and end up quite frustrated. Trying to "count it all joy" to face various trials. I know God's workin!

Nothing else interesting happened today...oh except a clogged pipe that made all the nasty dishwater from who knows how long spill into the entire gravel area outside my window...which Josie sat in, of course. Not a big deal...gave her a bath...got the pipe fixed. The smell eventually died down:)

Like a fish!

Both of my girls LOVE the water apparently. Took Evolet swimming for the first time today. She was ecstatic and asked if we could go again tomorrow! As long as it's not raining....



We went out for ice cream today! We walked into a shop and a woman said, "Your children are beautiful. Are they both yours?" It made me smile to say, "Yes:)"

Josie is having the expected jealousy issues that I am having to deal with. They both are going through a time of adjusting to each other and to me. As much as possible I try to forsee those cicumstances and be prepared with Biblical pearls of wisdom, but ya know sometimes life just come at you fast! Still, like 90% of the time they are playing SOOO well together...that's just more quiet than the other 10% so that part stays with you a little longer:) Since Evolet is 4 1/2, I decided she can probably forgo the naps. I just put her to bed at 7 when Josie goes down and she sleeps 12 hours. This way, I can have some one-on-one time with her while Josie's napping and that cuts out some of the jealousy. It's a balancing act to reassure Josie that she is loved and adored while assuring Evolet that she has found a family who will love her as much as we love Josie.

Evolet is obviously very used to sleeping around alot of noise. She fell asleep last night with a movie playing and me jerking the braids out of her hair. Tonight she slept through Josie standing on her bed saying "Hey Evolet!" Nighttime rocks!

We made Christmas cookies today. Evolet was excited when we decorated the airplane. I said, "Daddy would like this one." She replied, "I want to decorate this one for Daddy." I showed her pictures of Grandpa and Grandma, more pictures of our house, and some friends back home. I don't want to overwhelm her, but she seems interested to learn about what her new life will be like.

We've been singing Christmas songs and both of my little girls love to dance like silly things to some music:) Last night I lay in bed for a while just thanking the Lord for His goodness and it hit me that I have a 4 1/2 year old. She was born in June 2007. I don't even know what I was doing back then, but ya'll I was 20!!! I was thinking "wow. Josie isn't even 2 yet. I can't imagine if she went to an orphanage tomorrow and learned their routines and then went to live with a new family 2 years after that!" It is truly just God's graciousnss to us that Evolet seems to be adjusting miraculously well. Based on human wisdom, it probably should not be going so well...and as I said, I'm sure there are struggles in the future yet to come, but Praise God for His goodness to me now. I know we have many friends and family members who have been lifting us up in prayer. Thank you...and keep doing it! Pray that we can go home soon. I'm ready to see my husband again:)